Rebecca

This is a collaboration with the amazing Rebecca, my photos and her story and words. So without further ado I give the word to Rebecca:

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For most of my life I´ve struggled with loving and accepting my body the way it is, so when my lovely friend and photographer Cim Ek was looking for people to shoot naked, I saw an opportunity to practice on just that. I also wanted to support the body-positivity movement, because I believe the most important thing we can do, is finding our way back home to our bodies, our power, self-acceptance, and self-love. Since I was 19 I´ve also had an illness called ME/CFS, and the last couple of years I´ve become worse, not being able to work or being physically active. To make friends with a body that can´t perform the way you´d wish, has been tough, accepting what is right now. 

I was very nervous to see the photos, as I´ve always detested being in them. To my surprise, I found that all my inner work has actually paid off, sure I noticed that I´m not as slim or fit as I´d like, but I know that I´m doing everything in my power to be healthy, and that´s all I can do! I´m accepting that, I want to be kind to myself. I´m just a human being, trying my best in a world that is full of fear, but also a huge amount of love. I wish to inspire other women by my photos, to let them see a natural, not ”media perfect” body. I´m ok. And so are you. I love you.

This is a poem I wrote, having my photos in mind:

The Judge

I have an inner judge
She´s big, and hairy
With rotten teeth
And a bird´s nest for hair
Her breath is stinky
And her toenails curved
With a hoarse voice she whispers:

You´re not enough
You´re not worthy
You´re too fat
And the fat on your back
Is disgusting!
Why aren´t you
Ashamed of yourself?

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Deeper and deeper
She has hidden herself
Locked up my heart
Locked up my soul
My pure essence
Hidden my true self
For an impostor
A game player

She says:
You better isolate yourself
Go hide in the closet
Stay in bed
Don´t make a sound
Don´t ask to be seen
Don´t ask to be loved
You don´t deserve it
You weak little maggot!

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And so I obeyed
Her voice so strong
I took it for truth
Believed it was me

But one day
I caught her sleeping
I tiptoed around her
And there I was!
I saw my heart
And it was big!
So beautiful, and warm!

All of a sudden
I felt a spark of life
My spirit returning
To this vessel
Made from stardust
And eternal love

A gratitude awoke
In my darkest 
Most hidden corners
I felt my organs
I saw their endless work
To keep me alive
And sane
Their hard work
Made me cry

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Thank you, I said
And bowed my head
And they were thrilled
To finally be noticed
They cheered, and laughed
With happy tears
Finally they said
She´s back!

To celebrate my return
I went out in the woods
The place I love the most
Where no one has ever
Judged me
Called me bad names
Or neglected me

I went out and
Found myself
Sitting on the ground
All mesmerised
By the beauty
And calmness
A deep voice
Appeared
Even deeper than the judge´s

It said:
You´re finally here
Welcome home
My innocent child
I´ve waited for decades
But I knew
One day you´d be back

 

You see
All the beauty 
That lives in me
Lives in you
We are just mirrors
Of each other
A different shade
You love me
And I love you

So I stayed for a while
Wrapped up in green arms
And gentle
Moist moss
And I had never felt
More worthy
Enough
Loved
I fell asleep
And woke up
As One

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